Tag Archives: cape coral

Public Service Annoucment: Goro’s Rule & More

The first rule of Getting Pitted is: You do not talk about Getting Pitted.

Unless you’re really frothing, then an exception can be made.

Now, as you saunter along the beach scoping out babes, remember this mantra and repeat it aloud so that anybody violating this code may hear and learn from you:

The first rule of Exercise is: You do not talk about Exercise.
The first rule of Exercise is: You do not talk about Exercise.
The first rule of Exercise is: You do not talk about Exercise.
The first rule of Exercise is: You do not talk about Exercise.

On another note, do you live in South Beach, Miami Beach, Jacksonville, or Melbourne perhaps? Or maybe Venice Beach, Nokomis Beach, Naples, Cape Coral, Deerfield, Davie, Clearwater, St. Petersburg, or even Cocoa Beach? Spectacular! You’ll be thrilled to know that the good folks at ¡Gum Surfboards! Inc. are only a stone’s throw away. ¡Gum Surfboards! takes pride in its craft and the tradition of hand shaped and glassed surfboards. In other words, we aren’t like those other surfboard companies that simply pay someone else to shape their surfboards and throw their logo on it, then send it to a glasser to sweat and poor his soul into only to be rewarded with pennies. No folks, here at ¡Gum Surfboards! we do the whole damn process! We start with a good old fashion foam blank. Then, we whittle it down to it’s ideal form, that of a surfboard of course. Then we mix our colors,  and add it to resin; we can do almost any color imaginable (Brett, feel free to step in here and elaborate on the nuances anytime, pal). Then, we lay out fiberglass on top of the foam and cover that puppy in colored resin. Then, we let it dry, sand it down to a smooth finish, and possibly give it a hot coat. It’s a time consuming endeavor, but a labor of love, nonetheless. I’m sure I’m missing something, but I’m a Goro, not a surfboard shaper, so you’ll just have to take my word at face value. Or else! Muhaha! Wink, wink. Anyway we truly love making surfboards—otherwise we wouldn’t do it. Lord knows there’s no coin in it! So, cut out the middle man and come directly to the man. Yes, yes, elect ¡Gum Surfboards! as your shaper of choice this summer.

johnny cage

Goro also knows that Johnny Cage is a parody of Jean-Claude Van Damme and that Mortal Kombat was initially suppose to be a video game adaptation of the film Universal Soldier. Thank God that didn’t happen.

Thanks Midway Games. Get tubed!

universal soldier